This morning I was having a major attack of anxiety and panic. I am sure it had everything to do with allowing Bean to go back to school today, Matthew going back to work, and feeling like I couldn’t do the day alone. I reached out to my praying friends on Facebook, turned to prayer myself, and then began the day.
Last night Bean’s boyfriend, who I still need to assign a nickname, went to Praxis with Bean and another friend. I think he got so caught up in discussing baptism that he totally lost track of his backpack and we were more than half way home when he realized it. I told him last night that I would go back to get it this morning and bring it to school.
In spite of how I felt, I got in the car, turned on praise music and went to retrieve it. By the time I was back to our part of town the anxiety had subsided and I was able to deliver the backpack without a problem. As I was on my way home a song by Superchick came on the playlist. “Stand In The Rain” is a song that has meant a lot over the years for a lot of different reasons. When we first heard it Bean was dealing with some insecurities and bullying at school. The song had a totally different meaning for us then. Now, I think we see it as a powerful reflection of what depression can do, and how we can fight against it. I believe that depression is a cross that I carry. It is something that can drive me from God or send me running ever closer to Him. Anyone who has struggled with it knows that the voices in your mind can lie to you in such loud voices that it drowns out the truth. We have to constantly fight against those voices and sometimes strain hard to hear God’s voice of truth.
As I fight to come back up out of this dark place that I find myself in each day, the best thing that I can do is be steeped in God’s word and pray without ceasing. His light is there and His voice can penetrate anything that the depression can produce. I just have to tune in.
With that said, I still intend to see the doctor as soon as I can and get the help I know I will need to get back in balance. So thankful that the help is available!
Here are the lyrics for “Stand In The Rain”
“Stand In The Rain”
She doesn’t know why but she knows that when she’s all alone, feels like it’s all coming down
She won’t turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won’t make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she’ll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she’s running from wants to give up and lie down.
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
