Today I was reflecting on my recent health scare and how I felt about what was going on. I find it to be a good practice to reflect after an experience like that. It’s all about learning.
When I first saw the doctor, I knew that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what was happening to my body. I wasn’t worried, I just wanted to get to the bottom of it. Then I went for the results and when the doctor listed all the possibilities I did get worried.
I kept thinking that my girls still needed a mom, that my husband still would like me around . I couldn’t rid myself of the fear of being a burden to them, or worse yet, leaving them. THEN, I came to my senses. It’s not up to me when I leave this earth. My days were determined at the time that God started knitting me in my mother’s womb. If He decided it was time for me to leave this old earth, I would, and you know what, He would provide for my girls and Matthew.
I had to be patient and wait for answers. In the meantime, I let myself rest and I tried hard to focus on healing after my knee surgery. In fact, that surgery was a blessing. It forced me to sit and wait and relax. Being held down was just what I needed. Although I was chomping at the bit to be up and around, God knew what I needed.
The day arrived to get the other test results. Those results that would take cancer off the table. I was so relieved, so thankful. Today I received the notification that I can make my appointments with the cardiologist and my gastroenterologist. Just to make sure that there isn’t a bleed, and that the heart issue is all anemia related.
No matter what the answers are, I know that God is handling the details and I can sit in peace.