I finally got some clarity to what was going on with me this weekend. Clarity I needed to have and an attack on my spirit that needed to be taken care of. As I’ve said before, when God is doing healing and taking care of old wounds, Satan will be right there to attack, kill, and destroy what God is doing. If it were up to our enemy we would be withered and useless, as God is healing the withered hand, my enemy is looking to damage the foot. When we are going through a process of healing, we need to be mindful and ask for protection over what God is doing. Our minds are full of dark caverns and there are some scary things in there.
On Friday morning I woke up angry, really angry. By the time Matthew got home that evening I was inconsolably angry. God had healed a place of tenderness in my heart and then thoughts were planted in my mind that I didn’t deny or rebuke, instead I allowed the enemy to torment me with them. I allowed him to attack my even more tender places with lies that left me angry with someone I love.
Why is that? Why am I constantly trying to overcome things like this? I believe it is because I have held on to the lies that Satan has told me, I have allowed them to become a ridiculous part of me. God had brought other things to mind that I needed to go deeper into with Him. I didn’t ask God to protect those places and I really should have.
As I am waking up to the daily struggle for my heart to remain close to God, I am also seeing in how many ways I can be attacked by my enemy. Innocent things, innocent people. I would rather focus on the goodness of Jesus and not the battle for my heart, but I can’t close my eyes to that battle either. Closing my eyes to it has put me in a place far from where I should be. And so, I have to focus on both, not equally, they both need my attention.
Prayers for peace, for protection, for a distinct closeness, and for the time to go to the throne room when things are revealed to me, immediately, rather than waiting. If I have to wait, I pray for the reminder to pray for protection over those things.
The tender places are no less tender today, but today I have approached them with prayer. I am thankful for His goodness, His grace, and I’m praying that if I injured my family with my moodiness and angry, hurt, words; that they will have the grace to forgive me too.