I’ve been out of the loop the past few days and I really missed writing. Due to overwhelming, to me anyway, medical circumstances, I have been in too much pain to think clearly. In fact, I had a couple of different conversations that I don’t remember much of. Pain does funny things to us, especially our minds.
I really dislike waiting. Recently, we had to wait for news about a new job for Matthew. It was in my thoughts every day and I really didn’t enjoy the waiting to hear. We finally got an answer but the waiting was hard. God had it all worked out for us. The plan He had is so much better than what we could have come up with.
Now we are waiting again. This time about matters of my health. It’s hard to wait in those situations too. It’s hard because I am impatient, I am a planner, and I constantly feel the need to be in control of the circumstances. In this case, I can’t be. I can’t rush the results, the radiologists, the lab technicians, the doctors, the insurance. There is absolutely nothing I can do, nothing, except wait in God’s peace.
So, that is what I am doing. I have to be patient enough with the process and rest that God will hold me until it’s all done with. For everyone who knows me personally, you know that isn’t easy for me.
I know that I will have to have surgery and I know that things could go terribly wrong in the meantime that could turn it into an emergency. We are all aware and keeping a very close eye on the situation. There are other variables that we are still unsure of and I suppose those are the ones that I struggle with the most. I never have an easy time with unknowns, I suppose there are few of us who do.
This weekend I am clinging to this Psalm:
Psalm 40:1-5 (AMP)
I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up out of a horrible pit [a pit of tumult and of destruction], out of the miry clay (froth and slime), and set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings. And He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many shall see and fear (revere and worship) and put their trust and confident reliance in the Lord. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who makes the Lord his refuge and trust, and turns not to the proud or to followers of false gods. Many, O Lord my God, are the wonderful works which You have done, and Your thoughts toward us; no one can compare with You! If I should declare and speak of them, they are too many to be numbered.