Sometimes I find it really hard to process new thought and other times the process comes so fast it overwhelms me to the point of burdening my soul. I am not allowing it to make me feel guilty, I am allowing what I read to change my view. There is no good in guilt and I believe that guilt is another lie fed to us by Satan, however, realizing that you have been misled to begin with and changing your thought process is a different thing all together. It’s more conviction than guilt that I am feeling.
Today I have processed what I am reading. Not reading more, just processing what I have read. I’m finding that I had hate in my heart that shouldn’t have been there. I am finding that I was filled with a sense of entitlement and that I wasn’t concerned that all these people serving other gods were going to die because of their belief. I have been apathetic. I have had the feelings that people on the street were there because they chose to be, or were too sick to be helped, or because…I am finding that I wasn’t trying to emulate Jesus at all, instead I was trying to work for my salvation. You can’t work for your salvation, but the point I’m trying to make is that I was counting on what I was doing, to please God. I was trying to live out the things that a denomination had fed me, tradition, I was all wrong.
I think the main idea that has hit me the hardest is the idea of the war, the biggest war, the start of every war since, began back in the Garden of Eden and it continues thru to today. The war is a spiritual war and Satan is making us hate our fellow-man instead of wanting to help them see the light and the love that Jesus has to offer. We have delineated the entire human race down to party lines, denominational parts, race, color, creed, sexual orientation. We have stopped seeing each other as a creation of God, instead we see in each other all the things that our denominations and traditions have taught us to be good or bad and if there is any bad, the entire being is bad and we hate it.
Why would we want to live that way? Isn’t that like living in darkness? I don’t want to live in darkness. I am ready for overwhelming love.